Last Sunday (September 16), Morrigan tried extremely hard to untangle herself. But she got pulled back within the tangle by these purple-black cords (similar to what Venom looks like when a bell tolls). Morrigan yelled out, "This isn't fair!" To which, Justice replied, "Since when has Justice ever been fair?" It was at this moment that I realized that, while we might have gotten tangled up on accident, we were being held this way by someone else inside. It seems like Chaos & Justice has struck again. Since realizing that, I have been trying to find and talk to Ellie, since she was the one who put a stop to their shenanigans the last time. I have had no success thus far.
To be honest, this severely decimated what little optimism I had of this tangle being dealt with quickly. I met with my counselor today and I know that this information has her very worried as well.
If this were not enough, our dad lost his job today. There are a lot of emotions and feelings that are attached to that statement, but, needless to say, I am very worried and afraid. Many things have been going through my head of what this could mean for me and my family. It basically boils down to, if they move away from this immediate area, I will have to get my own place, as the majority of my support system, which includes my counselor and certain friends, is in this area. We also will have to find a room-mate as it is unhealthy for us to live alone at this point in time. Finding a suitable room-mate is difficult in the best of times for anyone; for us with all our issues, it can only be even more so.
The external stability that we value and appreciate so highly has been shaken. I have had one panic attack and almost several more since my dad told me about all this.
But here's the good news, that support system that I need so desperately, my faith in them is well founded. I was whisked away by two of my biggest supporters (honestly, they're more like big, lovable, protective brothers to us all) along with two of their very close friends, whom we are excited to get to know better. They have made life easier to handle. I can look at my situation without panicking. As long as I have friends like these, it's going to work out. Life might get more crazy and nearly impossible to deal with, but we have friends who need us and love us all very much. Because of them, I can say I'm happy today. My life feels like it's crashing around my feet, but I am calm and collected, ready to deal with what comes.
It feels so good to be able to say, Erin is happy today and she's excited about tomorrow.
-- Erin, or whoever I am.